The Return

                This has been quite a roller coaster ride the past few months, hence why there were no updates. My goal is to start updating this blog at least once a week, even if it’s just a beauty post or a nail polish post and not all of these deep thoughts about random things in my life. So if I don’t update, feel free to yell at me until I do because I don’t want to have a dead blog.

                Student teaching has been absolutely amazing. I cannot wait until I have my own program. I started off in high school, at Olympian High School, one of the new schools in Chula Vista. Its really a beautiful campus. The band competes in 4A on field and 2A in street, so it is very reminiscent of my high school days at Bonita Vista. The band’s field show is Fantasmic (Disney music from the show at Disneyland) and their march is King Karl King (a new one for me). My experience with the kids was just amazing. I loved working with them every single day. I would look forward to my work day and want to be there early and stay late for everyone just so that I could help out in any way that I could. I learned so much from everyone at that program…the kids, Mr. Mabrey, all of the experiences. Although my 8 weeks were finished right before the competition season started I’ve gone to all of their competitions to help out. There’s really nothing like walking up to the band after not seeing them for a week and hearing their improvement and their excitement to see me. A lot of them run up to get me hugs. It’s really sweet and it makes me feel like I’ve made a difference in some of their lives, which ultimately is my goal in life. That program, and those kids, will always hold a place in my heart. The picture that I took with them at Mira Mesa and a few knick-knacks that they gave me when I left will have a special place in my office at whatever school I end up at, right next to my degree.

                Now the middle school has been a very bittersweet experience so far. I love being back at my old middle school, its been a lot of fun seeing what’s remained the same and what has changed. There’s even teachers there still that I had when I was there! On the other hand, it is very saddening to see what has become of the band and the community. I got to walk in the bandroom and see the awards that my friends and I had received when we were there. The band pictures with people that I had forgotten about are up on the walls. The bookcase is still there with a scrapbook from when one of my brothers was in middle school sits. The same podium sits up in the front of the classroom. There’s still that grassy area, the “backyard” of the bandroom with the double doors that you never used. The uniform room is there, but I have no idea what’s in there, it’s always locked. You still need a ladder to reach the filing cabinets on the side of the room, with a lot of miscellaneous items strewn about, including the boxes of shakos. But the innocence of my middle school days have been taken away. The instruments all have something wrong with them, the mallets are all torn apart so the percussionists are using drum sticks on the keyboard instruments, most of the percussion instruments are broken, the advanced band isn’t at the level that it should be at and the students are nowhere near as dedicated as they were when I was there. And I’m not as excited about the kids as I was with the high school. I don’t look forward to coming in everyday. And that’s really upsetting. But I’ve been surviving it, and of course I’m over half way done with it so I’m this close. Don’t get me wrong, I still love teaching the music and there are certainly some students that just crack me up and help me get through it. But it just isn’t the same.

                On top of being with my old middle school there are the demons that I have to face from my past. A lot of people know that I transferred schools my senior year, but a lot of people don’t know why. And this isn’t the time or the place to go into that. An opportunity presented itself at Mt. Carmel and it was one of the best decisions of my life to transfer there. But facing these demons has been extremely hard on me. When all that you can do is smile and nod, make small talk and pretend not to care when deep inside you’re breaking apart, reliving all of those memories. But this simply makes me stronger than the situation already had. And its good practice of being the bigger person for all of the situations that will come in my future. But that week when I had 3 days in a row of it, and the competitions on top of that, all I needed was a hug and I didn’t have anyone that could give it to me. I really need to start paying more attention to my current friends, make connections with some new friends, and get back in touch with some old friends. I just need to make more of an effort, that way I can have people there for me when I need them, and I can be there for people when they need me. (So let’s rekindle our friendship! Yeah, you!).

             I know, quite a post to ring in the return of my blog. Heavy reading. I promise that my next post will be something cheerful, like the fact that I bought my wedding dress or the fact that we finally chose our wedding colors (after going through several options), or even the fact that we set a date! So, until next time, thank you for getting through this post and thank you for coming back to read my blog even though its been months.

CM

Friendship

I know it has been quite a while since my last post. Things have been crazy busy for me what with student teaching, my online class, preparing for the AEPA, padres and chargers games, the SCSBOA Fall Conference, etc. But it is that time of the year where I sit and truly think about my friends, "friends," and everyone else that I know.

I apologize in advance if this seems rather scatter-brained. I haven't been sleeping well and I spent most of the night sitting here crying and feeling sorry for myself because it was just one of those days where you need a really good cry and you'll feel better. Well, the feel better part is creeping in slowly, so I figured getting my thoughts out would help.

I've been back in San Diego for about a month and half (wow, it feels like it's been several months), and it's nothing like it was when I was in high school. Obviously. I'm a different person. So are all of my friends from Bonita Vista and Mt. Carmel. Yes, I still talk to some of them every once in a while. You know those conversations...the "Hey, how's it going, long time no talk," conversations. But while I'm sitting here, I've realized a few things.

I really miss being in Flagstaff. Not for the city or the school, but for the people. I didn't have very many close friends, and I never really have throughout my entire life. It's always been a few people and then everyone else I know and hang out with on occasion. But I miss those "on occasion" people. And the close friends as well. I don't have that here. I have my family, Richard and 2 close friends. That's it.

I have my family, Richard and 2 close friends. I realized this tonight. I depend too much on these people. Whether its for comfort, laughs, hanging out, sports games...anything. And I realize this, not because we are growing apart, but because I miss the "on occasion" people I used to have down here. And I miss my old high school friends, desperately. I lost a lot of friends in high school at Bonita through my 3 years there for various reasons. Some good and some bad. But the ones that stuck with me were the ones I thought I would always be in touch with. Jeanette, Melanie, Elizabeth, Janella...just to name a few. And then the wonderful friends that I made at Mt. Carmel during my senior year: Kirsten, Agnes, Cheryl, Liz, Alyssa, again to just name a few.

I've been student teaching at Olympian High School. I see these students everyday in their groups, laughing and having fun. You know, the carefree days of high school. And as much as love being out of high school and almost into the real world, I can't help but miss it. There are some students that I connect with more than others, and I think to myself, Are these the people I would have been friends with if I was in high school? Or I think to myself, This person really reminds me of (insert name here). I didn't realize how much I missed these people until I started student teaching.

One last thing that I realized. I regret not making the effort to keep those friendships alive. When I came home on breaks those first few years of college I was putting all of my energy into my long distance relationship. Understandable, yes. But unforgivable. And I am paying the price now for sacrificing my friendships for a relationship that didn't even last. And where did it leave me? Lonely. I will learn this time around though. When I'm in Flagstaff I'll make the effort to see my friends and not just Richard (no offense, babe).

"A college is a place where pebbles are polished and diamonds dimmed." I love this quote. It's true to your everyday life as you grow as a person and a friend. I've lost almost all of my diamonds. But now I need to find my pebbles and polish them. It's always a work in progress.

CM

A Lot Of Rambling

Hey everyone! This post is going to be a bit ramble-y, there’s just a few different subjects that I want to touch on (student teaching, my ring/engagement, my wedding dress, my placement, etc).

So, I started my student teaching this week, even though I don’t have a supervisor yet (way to go, NAU!). BUT, everything is going well. Right now I’m observing how the program works, and I’ve been helping out some beginners (on clarinet and mallets). The kids all seem really eager to learn and were very welcoming. I’m writing this during a break in my schedule, but I don’t have internet so I’ll have to post it later. Today is their first marching rehearsal, so that’ll be fun! I’ll let you know how that goes on a different post. There is one kid with autism in the percussion class who is extremely intelligent. He picks up on things quicker than the new kids sometimes. And as sad that it is that there is this “barrier,” its really heart-warming to see him get excited about playing the bass drum or playing on the mallet instruments. And I think his enthusiasm definitely rubs off and gets the other kids happy and excited about music. Hey, that’s what we’re all in this for right?

After our Montana trip (which will be a completely different post, one that is very picture heavy), I obviously only had 1 day left in Flagstaff. This included: finishing packing my room, loading the truck, cleaning the apartment, standing in line for HP, the movie, sleeping for a few hours, my last orthodontist appointment, breakfast, then driving home for 7 ½ hours. So of course, it was now or never for the proposal and ring, haha. Although we both had different ideas (I thought I was going to his place, he showed up at mine with my dad there, haha), he proposed with my stuffed penguin (nickname), called Tux, my Tiffany-blue nail polish (China Glaze – For Audrey), and of course the ring. So, a lot of you know that we took the stone out of my mom’s engagement ring, and we got it placed in a white gold solitaire setting. Its beautiful, check it out (sorry, my dad's camera doesn't like shooting things in macro like its supposed to):

So I know this picture is blurry and awful, but it shows a bit of the fire in the diamond (:

I can’t be any happier, we both are very excited (maybe I’m just slightly more so…but hey, I’m a girl we plan this once we can think for ourselves!). And on that note…

I went up to Del Mar to meet my mom for lunch on Saturday. And of course, talk wedding talk (among other things). So, on a spontaneous trip to Alfred Angelo, we found ourselves a few hours later looking at wedding dresses (and bridesmaids dresses). Shortly after that, if you walked in you would see me in my first wedding dress and my mom crying (of course! She said she wouldn’t…yeah right :P). I tried on 6 or 7 dresses, but the entire time it was between the first two. And the whole time not only am I thinking, Oh God, I love two dresses what am I going to do, but also Oh my God, am I really trying on wedding dresses for my wedding that is 2-3 years away?! But yeah, I was. And yeah, I did. We ultimately chose one, which we will be purchasing later this year, at a great price! As well as the veil and headpiece which were just beautiful, the consultant read my mind! Of course, we are still going to try on more dresses for two reasons:  1. All we tried were Alfred Angelo and 2. There’s this one dress (some of you have seen) that I fell in love with in magazines. I marked it separately three times before I realized it was all the same dress. I have t try it on. Even though I know now, based on the others that I tried on, that it won’t be as I thought it would on my figure, I still have to. I’ve sent some pictures out (seeing how we were caught by surprise, its only cell phone pictures…and not enough of them! :P), but if you would like to see just leave a comment or get a hold of me somehow. The only condition is that you can’t go showing Richard (duh!). And I’ll give you me details on the dress, seeing how I can’t reveal too much here because somebody claims to read this blog (hint hint).

My last subject for today is my placement. I was placed at two different middle schools before the third one became the final placement. Bonita Vista Middle School. I just wanted to share my feelings on the matter. Most of you know what my experience was, both good and bad, with those schools. And although I knew I was working in the same district, I never expected to be that close, if that makes sense. It is very saddening for me, but at the same time I know that I have to professional and smile and nod until I can get through those 8 weeks. After my first few days in band at BVMS in 7^th grade, I knew that I wanted to be a band director. So I did find it fitting that I will end my undergraduate career at the same place before I officially enter the real world. It’ll be a tough 8 weeks, but I’ve survived it before and I can do it again. And it will make me a stronger and better person.

On that note, my break is almost up. Time to see if any of my reeds work so I can help out the clarinets today. Hah.

CM

Things My Roommate Does

Here's just a fun post. I have documented a few things that my roommate, Nicole, does. Enjoy.

She finishes her tea without putting it in a cup. She saves a dish.

She peels her sunburn. And mine.

She puts her wallet in my purse.

She deposits my checks and takes my money.

She pours beer back into the bottle to save it.

She steals my polish, lays in my doorway and talks crazy talk all the time.

She dyes my hair with new foam dye that looks disgusting.

Love you, Nicole! This post was just for you. I'm going to miss you when I leave. <3

This post will probably grow with more things that my roommate does.

CM