The Return

                This has been quite a roller coaster ride the past few months, hence why there were no updates. My goal is to start updating this blog at least once a week, even if it’s just a beauty post or a nail polish post and not all of these deep thoughts about random things in my life. So if I don’t update, feel free to yell at me until I do because I don’t want to have a dead blog.

                Student teaching has been absolutely amazing. I cannot wait until I have my own program. I started off in high school, at Olympian High School, one of the new schools in Chula Vista. Its really a beautiful campus. The band competes in 4A on field and 2A in street, so it is very reminiscent of my high school days at Bonita Vista. The band’s field show is Fantasmic (Disney music from the show at Disneyland) and their march is King Karl King (a new one for me). My experience with the kids was just amazing. I loved working with them every single day. I would look forward to my work day and want to be there early and stay late for everyone just so that I could help out in any way that I could. I learned so much from everyone at that program…the kids, Mr. Mabrey, all of the experiences. Although my 8 weeks were finished right before the competition season started I’ve gone to all of their competitions to help out. There’s really nothing like walking up to the band after not seeing them for a week and hearing their improvement and their excitement to see me. A lot of them run up to get me hugs. It’s really sweet and it makes me feel like I’ve made a difference in some of their lives, which ultimately is my goal in life. That program, and those kids, will always hold a place in my heart. The picture that I took with them at Mira Mesa and a few knick-knacks that they gave me when I left will have a special place in my office at whatever school I end up at, right next to my degree.

                Now the middle school has been a very bittersweet experience so far. I love being back at my old middle school, its been a lot of fun seeing what’s remained the same and what has changed. There’s even teachers there still that I had when I was there! On the other hand, it is very saddening to see what has become of the band and the community. I got to walk in the bandroom and see the awards that my friends and I had received when we were there. The band pictures with people that I had forgotten about are up on the walls. The bookcase is still there with a scrapbook from when one of my brothers was in middle school sits. The same podium sits up in the front of the classroom. There’s still that grassy area, the “backyard” of the bandroom with the double doors that you never used. The uniform room is there, but I have no idea what’s in there, it’s always locked. You still need a ladder to reach the filing cabinets on the side of the room, with a lot of miscellaneous items strewn about, including the boxes of shakos. But the innocence of my middle school days have been taken away. The instruments all have something wrong with them, the mallets are all torn apart so the percussionists are using drum sticks on the keyboard instruments, most of the percussion instruments are broken, the advanced band isn’t at the level that it should be at and the students are nowhere near as dedicated as they were when I was there. And I’m not as excited about the kids as I was with the high school. I don’t look forward to coming in everyday. And that’s really upsetting. But I’ve been surviving it, and of course I’m over half way done with it so I’m this close. Don’t get me wrong, I still love teaching the music and there are certainly some students that just crack me up and help me get through it. But it just isn’t the same.

                On top of being with my old middle school there are the demons that I have to face from my past. A lot of people know that I transferred schools my senior year, but a lot of people don’t know why. And this isn’t the time or the place to go into that. An opportunity presented itself at Mt. Carmel and it was one of the best decisions of my life to transfer there. But facing these demons has been extremely hard on me. When all that you can do is smile and nod, make small talk and pretend not to care when deep inside you’re breaking apart, reliving all of those memories. But this simply makes me stronger than the situation already had. And its good practice of being the bigger person for all of the situations that will come in my future. But that week when I had 3 days in a row of it, and the competitions on top of that, all I needed was a hug and I didn’t have anyone that could give it to me. I really need to start paying more attention to my current friends, make connections with some new friends, and get back in touch with some old friends. I just need to make more of an effort, that way I can have people there for me when I need them, and I can be there for people when they need me. (So let’s rekindle our friendship! Yeah, you!).

             I know, quite a post to ring in the return of my blog. Heavy reading. I promise that my next post will be something cheerful, like the fact that I bought my wedding dress or the fact that we finally chose our wedding colors (after going through several options), or even the fact that we set a date! So, until next time, thank you for getting through this post and thank you for coming back to read my blog even though its been months.

CM